part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6.

Neb: Something terrible happened to me.
リナ: what happened?
Neb: I don't know how to express it.
Neb: It's a girl I like.
リナ: uh huh
Neb: I was puking earlier from emotional stress.
リナ: I see. so what is the matter?
Neb: Nevermind...
リナ: it's okay, I meant
リナ: how did this start?
リナ: I should have clarified
Neb: She has a boyfriend, and he cheats on her and stuff.
リナ: I assume she dosen't do the same
Neb: I can't explain it.
リナ: well... how do you come into the mix of this?
Neb: I like her.
リナ: okay, but you're under a lot of emotional distress becuase of this as well
リナ: is there more to this?
Neb: yes
リナ: okay, wanna talk about it?
Neb: no
リナ: if this is causing you to become physically ill
リナ: you might feel better letting some of this out
Neb: I don't know how to say it.
リナ: how about how it all ended up here?
Neb: she's going to forgive him.
リナ: does he do this frequently?
Neb: I don't know
リナ: how deep are your feelings for this girl?
Neb: I don't know.
リナ: I understand that you're worried about this girl, though I'm worried about how much of yourself you're investing in her, and in the end hurting yourself even more
リナ: She needs to come to terms with the fact that she was cheated on, and if this person did this to her one, he might as well do it again, and it's not okay to toy with someone like that
Neb: i can't stand a world where he gets the girl
リナ: and she'll realize she's making a mistake soon enough
Neb: You think so?
リナ: after something like this, things in a relationship change
リナ: she's going to be afrad to trust him
Neb: I'm gonna go to sleep now.
リナ: okay
リナ: have a good night

The next day

Neb: I'm still thinking of killing myself, but I feel better now.
リナ: I'm glad you're feeling better
リナ: but don't think of such things
リナ: what exactly happened after last night?
Neb: She's been going out with this guy for 2 years.
Neb: She met me maybe 2 months ago, and I felt we really had a connection.
Neb: Love at first sight, if it's not too cliche to say that.
Neb: She slept with me I think the 2nd time we met.
Neb: When she had met me, she had already made plans to go over to her boyfriend's place in the US for 3 months.
Neb: We talked over the phone and MSN while she was there, and at first, we were both pretty guilty about sleeping together but we wanted to stay friends.
Neb: But over time, she started telling me she doesn't even really like her boyfriend all that much.
Neb: So I told her if she didn't like him, why doesn't she break up with him and go out with me instead. Understandably, it'd be awkward to break up during the 3 month stay, so I was gonna wait till after february when she comes back.
Neb: Since december, she has been fighting out stuff about her boyfriend. Worse stuff every day. I think a couple of days ago, she found out that he had cheated on her repeatedly, and on her birthday and stuff like that.
Neb: She was crying and telling all her friends abotu this, myself included. And I'm pretty sure everyone was telling her to jsut dump that jerk.
Neb: The night before last, she said it's gonna be over between them, and she was gonna break up.
Neb: Then last night ,she said she was gonna forgive him. And maybe it sounds silly now, and I can't quite explain it, but I really felt sick by the idea of her forgiving him. It was so unjust and nonsensical and I don't know what.
Neb: He lies to her all the time, and she acknowledges this, and yet still decides to stay with him.
Neb: And it seems the more I try to stay honest with her, the worst I hurt my "chances" with her, so to speak.
リナ: I see.
リナ: well
リナ: he slept around?
Neb: Yeah.
リナ: technically she did the same with you
リナ: even if it was the one time
Neb: yes, but she told him about it.
Neb: He kept denying it, up until she got the chat logs off of his computer.
Neb: And she foudn him writing stuff like "Do I appear offline? Good, I'm told my girlfriend that I'm going to sleep"
Neb: He really has no respect for her.
Neb: I guess one of the things that hurts me is how he can get away with his behaviour.
リナ: it's unfortunatley probably the fact that they have 2 years of history ._.
Neb: The words he used with her, "You're the greatest girl", etc., he used with tons of other girls.
Neb: She knows this. So what the fuck.
リナ: what if she's afraid to let go?
Neb: Then there's no justice in the world and I don't want to be a part of it.
Neb: The good are punished and the evil are rewarded. So what's the fucking point?
リナ: the karmic bite in the ass they're going to get later on?
Neb: It doesn't look liek this guy's going to get bitten any time soon.
リナ: are they in a long-distance relationship?
Neb: Yes.
Neb: She could probably find out she's got aids, go home to confront him about it, find him in bed with another woman, get mad at him for 30 mins, then decide to forgive him again.
リナ: I understand you're angry, but in a way you should have expected something like this
Neb: I did not expect her to be so unreasonably tolerating of him.
Neb: I could be like him -- have my own personal harem -- if only I could discard my morals and lie and cheat and lose all sympathy for others.
リナ: but you're not like him
Neb: I got fucked over by being born like this.
リナ: born like what?
Neb: I am unable to lie, to cheat, to hurt others.
Neb: So my kind is going to be wiped out of the gene pool since we can't compete with the liars.
リナ: and why is that so bad? because you actually give a shit about others?
Neb: That's the future, and that's why I say fuck this world.
リナ: becuase that type of mentality if going to help you in the long run. look you're incredibly stressed out right now
Neb: There is no reward for being good, and so soon there won't be any good people left. That's evolution.
リナ: I suggest you step the hell away from the computer, drink some tea, or something that will calm you down.
リナ: and take your mind off this
Neb: I can't. My day job is a programmer.
リナ: oh
リナ: ysee I didn't know that
リナ: unionized break?
Neb: I'm sticking with my daily routine for now, 'cause I don't know what to do.
Neb: There's the "kill myself" option that's always lingering around in the background.
リナ: I don't take kindly to the "kill myself" option
Neb: There's the "quit my job, run away to some other country in some naively romantic fantasy that things will be different there"
リナ: and that's not a good answer either
リナ: because you know what?
Neb: It's not gonna be different there.
リナ: both of them is just a way of running away from our problems
Neb: The problem is the laws of logic and the nature of reality.
リナ: alright so what would you like to do
Neb: What I want is not logically consistent.
Neb: It cannot be in the most fundamental sense.
リナ: okay
リナ: becuase right now, all I really see coming out of you
リナ: is you're beating the crap out of yourself, over something you have very little control over
リナ: and I see that you have some pretty deep feelings for this girl
リナ: and that's fine
リナ: but you need to let her make her own deision about this, and you need to be able to handle whatever it is she chooses
リナ: no matter how much it might hurt you. and telling me that you might as well just off yourself
リナ: is not a delicate thing you say to me, I don't take to that very kindly
Neb: You don't read my blog, right?
リナ: no, you don't read mine either?
リナ: though I do nothing but bitch and whine on mine
Neb: I will from now on, if you send me the link.
リナ: haha
リナ: well I use eljay, most of my posts are pretty sporadic
Neb: On there, I wrote about the previous time I thought about suicide, a year or two ago.
リナ: okay.
Neb: It was because the world was unpredictable, and that was too scary for me to handle.
リナ: the world is a scary place
リナ: but you take it in stride
Neb: This is the second time. And it's because the world is predictable, and the prediction is that it's all going to be shit.
リナ: perhaps you might just need a change in scenery?
リナ: you can still think about Toronto?
Neb: I don't think it's far enough.
Neb: I don't know if anywhere is far enough.
Neb: I wanna moveto Japan, unrelated to this.
リナ: I'm suggesting, because I know someone is looking for a roomate to move in with him by may >_>
Neb: I currently think things will be different in Japan, but I'm cynical of my own beliefs.
リナ: what would yuu be doing in Japan?
Neb: Find a job. If I find one that pays as well as this, numb mindself with prostitutes every day until I die. It's the most I can get out of this world.
リナ: no quite the answer I was hoping for
Neb: Maybe start doing drugs, if they're easy to get. The only problem I want to have is that I'm too fucked up to realize how fucked up the world is. I don't wanna have to deal with police or anything like that.
リナ: I think you need to calm down
Neb: If I do end up doing that, you can be sure I'll have thought about it long and hard by then. I'm only in my second year of learning Japanese.
リナ: ...alright