part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4.

So in part 3, I met this crazy guy who said that he went crazy because his true friends betrayed him: Someone started spreading some false rumour about him, and it causes all of his friends to hate him. I told him that they weren't his true friends, as true friends wouldn't behave like that. If someone randomly told my best friend that I molested kittens, he'd probably check with me first before automatically believing that rumour. Right?

In part 4, Emily told Meiko that I was irrationally blaming her for everything or something along those lines (I don't know the exact words she used). Meiko told me that she was ashamed that I had been her boyfriend for 3 years and never wants to talk to me again. I told her Emily mis-reported what was said, and I offered to send Meiko the chat logs so she can see exactly what transpired. Meiko's exact words: "I do not care anymore."

That crazy guy was right, and I was wrong. That was scary for me. Too scary. That's why I wanted to kill myself. I had lost predictive power on the world. One of my central axioms about human relationships turned out to be false. I could not trust any of my friends anymore. I could not even trust that my concept of "friend" was in any way meaningful, let alone accurate.

Someone recommended a book to me, entitled "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time". The main character in this book has Asperger's Syndrome. There's an event in which he has a reaction similar to mine: when he finds out that his dad has been lying to him, he realizes he can't trust anything his father says. For all he knows, the fighter might murder him in his sleep. I don't know what it means that the kid in the story reacted in the same way that I did. Perhaps it indicates that we Aspies think in absolute terms, perhaps because logic is absolute. People tell me I overreacted, and probably feel that that kid overreacted. But from our perspective, at the time, it did not seem like an overreaction.